Originally published May 20, 2017
- Human race
- Fluoridated water (room temp.)
- Fear (to taste)
- Celebrity news, cute animal videos, allegations of political corruption (as needed)
- Moisten race with warm fluoridated water and gently massage a small amount of fear in circular motions into TV, newspapers, and any other desired media channels, avoiding direct contact with consumers at all times.
- Continue in 60-minute increments, rinsing thoroughly with celebrity news in between. Follow this procedure several times per day.
⚠️ CAUTION: AVOID DIRECT CONTACT WITH HUMANS.
In case of direct contact, rinse immediately with plenty of cute animal videos and allegations of political corruption. Contact a national intelligence organization if consumer agitation persists.